no clue.
i moved in at my new place a while ago. new city, new me type of thing.
there's this bar across the street. cool place. nice selection. i saw him there one day. i was black-out, no idea where i was, but i remember him for sure.
he's got this face that's real specific. he's got some sort of skin condition or something. my mom worked as a nurse when i was a kid. briefly joined her at the hospital as an stna. saw a lot of weird body stuff. never like this
his whole head is covered in these fuck-you sized lumps. and i mean covered. i have no idea how his neck supports all of it.
he was constantly kind of shifting his eyes. like, even when his body wasn't shaking or moving, his eyes were. he'd squint, he'd widen them up, he'd dart around. what really fucked me up was when he'd just stare.
he'd straighten up and just sort of look-thru people every now and then. his body still kind of vibrated, but he would look like he was frozen or something. then he'd go back to his quiet panicking.
i remember feeling super uncomfortable. not 'cuz of how he looked. not even 'cuz of how he acted. it's how familiar he felt. it's that feeling when you see someone in a dream in real-life, but stronger?
it felt like i knew him. really well. and not even like you'd know a buddy or family, but like how you know yourself? but just that little, quiet bit you don't like looking at? 'sfuckin' bizzarre.
i wanted to go talk to him. i'm not sure what my less-than-conscious brain would've thrown at him, but i felt like i had to do something. before i got to him, some chick came up next to him at the bar.
she asked if he was okay. he did the weird straightened-up, thousand-yard-stare thing. then he just started breathing heavily and thrashing his arms around. he was putting his hands up to his mouth over and over again.
he had his fingers bent kind of like how you'd smoke a cigarette? i think he was asking for one. i had a pack on me. i think i shouted something to him, but i really don't remember.
he snapped his head over to me. we locked eyes. it was like this read me like a book almost. in an instant, he knew everything about me. who i am. what i've done. the person i was trying to leave back when i moved. etc.
i fucking hated it. i hated being seen that clearly. i felt gross and disgusting. like my spine was gonna break out of my back and crawl away. something like that. just complete and utter dread. that started pissing me off.
it felt like we were looking at each other for hours. i don't think i said anything. if i did, i doubt it was coherent. something happened though, and he snapped his neck toward the door to the bar.
in less than an instant he jumped up and barged out place like a scared rabbit. a second or two after, i started to follow him. the next thing i remember after opening the door was my alarm going off the next morning.
i have no clue where "lump" went, but i feel like i see him all the time. never enough to fully confirm it's him, but enough to have that feeling i had in my spine the first time.
it's like he's always just around the corner. like he's waiting for me. to do what, i don't know.
i can't tell if i'm just hallucinating the whole thing or something. i really don't think i am. i started this site just to keep track of when i see him or feel he's around. what i'm doing, how i feel. etc.